Writing for a Living-4

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Once you have landed a writing job and are finally getting paid to do what you want to do, you begin to feel antsy. Because that's simply how our brain is structured. We like problems because they keep us occupied. They catalyze us from our static states of existence. They give us a justifiable reason for self-obsession. And this is why depressed people are people who don't know how to be sad.

Once you have landed a job where you are required to do work that you like doing, you begin to feel that all is too perfect. When you have to write because someone is paying you to do it, a part of you immediately resents this. You don't want your writing to be read and torn apart by a monster-editor who never seems to like anything you write. It is one thing to get your writing peer reviewed and critiqued, it is another to have it critiqued by someone who could potentially fire you. You begin to hate the red lines across your manuscript. Every time you open a Word document and type out the words, you delete them because you can see your editor wrinkling his/her nose up. You feel angry. You know you are a good writer. Isn't that why you were hired in the first place? If your creativity is going to be questioned all the time, if your lines lose the rhythm with which they marched into your head because your editor thinks they are too obscure, if self-doubt begins to creep into your words...and worse still, if you begin to write like your editor so your work is approved...what good will that be?

The fact about writing for a living is that someone is letting you do it. Someone is paying you to write and that someone has a right upon your writing. This is a fact that writers in corporate setups need to understand, digest, and embrace. Even if you are writing for a publishing house that has accepted your manuscript, you must share the ownership of your work with the editorial team there simply because they are investing in you. I've been a writer with corporate setups and have written for publishing houses. In both cases, your heart does die a little every time your lines get axed. Or rewritten. Or changed into something else altogether. And you are left saying, that is not it at all, that is not what I meant at all.

Coming to terms with editorial practices is a part of growing up as a writer. I was an editor and a writer at the same time- I was the editor for the English magazine in my last place of work; I used to write for the magazine as well as write for publishing houses. As an editor, I trashed perfectly good stories because they didn't fit what the magazine needed at that point. I chopped lines. I changed storylines. I axed whole paragraphs because the story went beyond the two pages that it was allotted. I wrote rejection letters to many writers, I got into heated arguments with writers who wouldn't want a word of their story changed, I never got back to some writers about their manuscripts because there simply wasn't any time. And as a writer, I spent hours refreshing my inbox to see if the publishers had replied to my hundredth mail asking about the status of my manuscript.

Publishing is a hard industry. It takes time for publishing houses to get returns on their investment. Like any other industry, it is about making money. And you, as a writer, are a very tiny part of it. Sure, without you, there is no book....but there are hundreds and thousands of writers who will write more books for the publishing industry to have its fodder. The sooner you understand how negligible you are, the faster you will make your peace. There is nothing wrong with making profits or wanting to. And it is the job of the editorial to find a balance between what is good material and what is sale-able material. The editorial will accept or reject, chop or keep your words keeping this in mind. And there is no point in virtuously walking away from this fact.

The reason why many of us are so wary of anyone touching our manuscripts is that we give ourselves way too much importance. This is understandable because the process of creation is exhausting (even the good Lord took rest after he was done creating). It is exhilarating and it gives you joy that is intensely personal. But the second it is read by somebody else and they point out your errors, the obscurity of the writing, the non-sale-ability of it, it dwindles into ordinariness. Your joy suddenly becomes foolish. This is a painful process only if you refuse to see the reasons behind the rejection. Achieving a balance between what you want to write and what you have to write at your work-place is hard work. I adapted myself to it because I was seeing the process from both ends- as an editor and as a writer. Writing for pleasure is one thing and writing professionally is another. The second might seem like a lesser god because of the money involved, but it is a tougher penance that will teach you many valuable lessons.

How does one retain love for the art while writing for a living? If you are not free to write as you please, can you still be in love with it? You retain the love by working hard to do so. By not lying to yourself about your insecurities. By respecting the views of your editors. And by understanding survival in a hard industry. You have a choice: to walk away and hide your art in the safety of your own shadow. Or to lay it under the sun with pride and walk away...while the world takes care of it.

(concluded)