Wednesday, April 6, 2011

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH

__

Okay, since I've made the announcement and everything, I'm now free to rant. Or have my mood swings here, as matajis are known to have. Actually, I'm quite pleased about the situation. It wasn't exactly a surprise but I was still shocked when I took the pregnancy test and saw the second pink line creeping up like a slow worm. I'd promised M that I'd do it when he was back from work but my head was sort of exploding. Heck, I was having a mood swing, OKKKK?? So I went and did it and well, whatdoyaknow.

Then I demanded that M come back from work immediately and look at my handiwork. What a moment, what a moment. After the minor celebration and oh-my-god minutes, M went back to work and I went back to Googling for positive pregnancy test images. I did a comparative study on the darkness of the pink line and concluded that my pink line did not look like any of the others. So then, I did another pregnancy test in the evening and well, whatdoyaknow.

So there it was. Badabingbadabingbadaba. My mum thought I was playing the fool when I called to make my announcement. Mainly because I kept shouting "Oho, good news, good news!" and laughing. When she finally believed me, she gave me about ten pieces of advice that I immediately forgot.

After the initial hysteria, it finally dawned on us that life as we knew it was officially over. Phew. I still haven't had my share of making parent-jokes and here I was, already a mataji. Hand me my checked kerchief, children.

Till about Week 6, I had absolutely no problems being pregnant. At one point, I was convinced I was going to be James Bond-like. And on the day I was due, I'd just say, "I need to zip out and make a delivery, y'all. See ya!" I'd be all steely and dude-like and even wear my purple sunglasses to cheer up the nurses.

But no. Suddenly, there came the nausea and suddenly, all I can do is lie on the couch and smell a lemon. I read somewhere that nausea was Nature's way of ensuring that you didn't inject toxins into your system. What bs. First of all, I've never eaten so many healthy things in my life. Ever. And then Ma Nature punishes me for it by making me puke. Second of all, one is supposed to be eating well and being pleasant during this phase. How that is possible when you feel like you're on a wobbly boat in the Koovum all the time is beyond me.

I was whining to M about how my friends were still partying and deciding if they should get married at all while I was turning into a nausea narasimhan. M said that I ought to think about it more positively. Like twenty years from now, I'd be forty-five and have the house to myself while my friends would be grappling with teenage drama queens. Ha. I cheered up momentarily and then felt a little guilty for thinking about when the baby would leave when it hadn't even come in the first place. But then, if the baby is anything like me, it'd want to run away from home and be dramatic from the age of three or so. So it's okay, I guess.

We did an ultrasound and I was fully petrified of what I'd see. It's been so long since I wrote a Math exam and waited for the result, so I'd actually forgotten what it feels like. The ultrasound brought back those memories accurately. The doctor said she wanted me to do it just to ensure that the embryo was in the right place and that it was a bit too early to see the heartbeat and that I shouldn't worry if we didn't see one. Like heck I wasn't going to be worried.

Thankfully, we did see the heartbeat and I cried and all. Proper Bharat Mata, what? Then I came home and Googled and exulted on the fact that not too many people get to see the fetal heartbeat at that stage. Hola, our baby was already so advanced and a genius and a super-achiever, what? Then I realized that I was acting like a Chinese mother, so I put a lid on the glee and went back to being nauseous again.

Okay, now I'm going to eat an egg and try to keep it down. It's a challenge worth James Bond, truly.

19 comments:

Kookaburra said...

wish you a very happy ride all the way! :)

man, brownie with more hormones, that would be a grand treat for us! :)))) ... I can see the energy bursting to a higher level already ... make the full use of the hormonal high - it is absolutely a crazy fun ride!

By the way, I totally loved your book - I read it all the way from Chennai to Goa in the train ... I wish a lot more get published from you ...

Blogeswari said...

Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shreyas said...

OMG!! Congrats!!

I'm trying to cleverly make some Gounder Magan/Magal wisecrack along the lines of Thevar Magan. But slighta mid morning dysfunctionality happening.

But YAYYYYY :D :D

buddy said...

congrats!

very humourously written, as always

A said...

hahahaha i am soo happy for you mataji.
not sure if i'll have teenage drama queens when i am 40 something but what the heck - this is about you! :)

The Bride said...

I so suspected it. I am turning into the kind of auntyji who thinks everyone has "good news" when they have "news". This is also going to be you in about nine months, so don't smirk.

Yup, I also thought I was going to James Bond-like and then the nausea hit. Except I had to take antibiotics on top of it as well. I also thought that when I first went into labour... then the contractions really started and I wasn't so heroic. Same with breastfeeding. Clearly I have a problem with thinking too soon.

An egg? Try biscuits with sesame, or dry crackers, and some say ginger. Also, try to eat a couple of biscuits or drink water first thing when you get up. This will not make you not puke but will help the puke not to burn so much since in the morinng it is only acid. Ok, so much gyan I have to give... so forgive me for spouting it all on you.

Did I say congrats? That's what I meant with all this.

R's Mom said...

Cream cracker biscuits (those sand tasting biscuits from Britannia) works for nausea! What? I am a mother of an almost 3 year old so definitely entitled to advice you..hey thank M for the lovely line about being free of kids at the young age of 45 (46 for me) super like that :)

Gymnast said...

Congrats Mataji!

Now you have finally crossed over to the auntyji-league! :-)

Srinivas said...

It comes as little surprise to me that your most laughter-giving post in weeks has come now. :D Looks like your sense of humour has gone through the roof :)

Wanted to quote three or four lines which just split me up. :D But at ten minutes to ten at night and all that, I am too lazy. Maybe I will do it first thing in the morning.

Congrats again and take care :)

Sam said...

congo bongo :)

CMCK said...

Nausea narasimhan!! lol.. very funny post GB!! I can never imagine you crying...drama queen - yes you are!

starry eyed said...

Congrats! Loved this post...esp the part abt you wondering when the baby would be leaving home before s/he had even arrived! I can relate :)

Hugs and all the best!

Anonymous said...

lurker, unlurking to say Congratulations! Nausea etc. - Just take copious notes (memories tend to fade) - so you can point them at said child when said child gets to nasty teenager stage (And they're ALL nasty teens :))

M

The Visitor said...

:) :) :)

Srinivas said...

Now to the lines as I promised:

"she gave me about ten pieces of advice that I immediately forgot." - They say that the Australian teams of the previous decade want the opposition to play the 'names' and not the ball. Likewise - never mind the totally pathetic analogy - your writing makes even lines like the above, fairly normal, seem humorous (given the context). But I am NOT surprised! :D

"...if the baby is anything like me, it'd want to run away from home and be dramatic from the age of three or so." - now that IS a classic. LOL.

vishesh said...

Okay better think of names and reserve google, fb, twitter usernames..

smartassbride said...

lol! the morning sickness has left the funny gene alone, I can see that. Wishing you a very happy ride, and may you emerge all victorious and hero-like in all future James Bond moments!

semi said...

lol GB! Congrats! =) The kid is surely lucky to have a momma who blogs about its every actions =P =D !!!

astrodominie said...

haha congratulations! i am dying to use the phrase 'nausea narasimhan' somewhere.