Monday, May 9, 2011

Mothers-to-be Day

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So we went and did the 12 weeks scan and saw the baby kicking and waving and twisting about like some sort of Kalari person. The sonography guy is one of the glummest people I've seen in my life. He usually slouches in like the Principal gave him grief for dirty canvas shoes. And then he watches the screen with a telegram face. You know, the face you get when you've just read your granny died back in your village. Granny Stop Died Stop Come Stop Immediately Stop. But in any case, he did show us the baby's marvellous profile and its wide variety of acrobatics.

I've never been good at waiting. So I usually get hyper when I'm waiting at the clinic. I tend to chew M's ear off with a constant commentary on all the human beings waiting along with us. Nobody else says a word though. I mean, people usually look like they are farmers in the middle of a 10-year drought. I'd understand if this were the cancer ward or something like that. But hey, this is like the Headquarters of Good News, so why not smile a little, eh? All the husbands would be guiltily fiddling with their phones and all the wives would be concentrating on how much longer they can endure the pressure of their bladder. If some matajis have come with their daughters, they'd be staring at the ceiling as if shot dead by Navy Seals. There was one man who decidedly looked more pregnant than his wife. I mentioned this to M and the two of us promptly went into a giggling fit. Which wasn't very good for my bladder.

The way they say you are pregnant in medical reports is like this: Uterus is bulky, gravid. So sweet of them to keep stressing that you're bulky. For some strange reason, I found this to be extremely funny. I kept thinking about Mrs Dravid being told she was gravid. And I kept giggling more and more.

After we did the ultrasound, we went to the doctor's clinic. Again, there were so many pregnant women there that I became hyper. What if we all went into labour on the same day, same time? How would the doctor manage? While I was chewing M's ear off about this, he spotted another pregnant man and started giggling. Which set me off too. Everyone else continued to look like Apocalypse was upon them. I mean, if you are so sad that you are pregnant, why did you become pregnant, dude? Cheer the hell up. And other such advice I kept giving off inside my head.

We went for The Fast and the Furious 5 yesterday. I didn't register much because I was concentrating on eating seedai without making too much noise. But I did notice that it had a pregnant woman who was nauseous exactly once in the film and then later went on to jump through roofs and all without a care in the world.

I haven't been writing much here because I'm keeping a diary, you know. I'm writing to the offspring daily. With my own unique illustrations and all. Nothing profound, just whatever I've been doing and my terrific observations of life and living. Including the sonographer's bald head. I just hope that the offspring reads it and appreciates it before it becomes an arrogant preteen git who thinks I was so uncool to have done something so soppy.

Happy Mothers-to-be Day to me. I'm gravid and I deserve it.

31 comments:

Pavithra said...

Mrs Dravid who was gravid. Heh. Your baby is tickling your funny bone, I swear. Now I'm giggling. Seriously, glad you're having such a nice time. Did the seedais stay down?

R's Mom said...

hahahahha! what you say is so true..most people in an ultra sound scan clinic are definitely very very serious looking..but gravid...too good :)

Srinivas said...

(1) I have a feeling that you're going to be more 'kid' that your kid. :D

(2) As I said elsewhere, I am preparing a lexicon of adjectives so that I can say something new about your posts, my Niece's amazing photographs etc.

(3) A HUMUNGOUS smile: all the best, I am glad everything is going well.

I also watched Fast and Furious 5 yesterday. I just needed a pointless speedy movie after watching Good Will Hunting in the morning.

Belated Mothers' Day wishes, Comrade! :D Over and out :)

Indian Home Maker said...

"But hey, this is like the Headquarters of Good News, so why not smile a little, eh?"

LOL!! A huge smile just for you :) And many Congratulations :) Kids love soppy diaries to offsprings no matter what they pretend, even teenagers.

starry eyed said...

ROTFL at Mrs. Dravid who was gravid. What are the chances you'll deliver with the whole L&D room in splits with your humour?

the mad momma said...

ROFL... only you, GB, only you. Dravid and gravid indeed!

Ramya said...

Mrs.Dravid being told she was gravid...hilarious!

CMCK said...

I wish I could say something better, but Ha aha aha ha!!!

SarangN said...

I LOVE how you make even the most annoying part of hospital visits sound terribly funny. Your kid is one hell of a lucky child! :)

CW said...

You funny, funny woman!

Sathya said...

...didnt register much, cause i was concentrating in eating d seedai wo making noise....jus brilliant maam...happy mother's day too!!!

Abirami Rajendran said...

Well, your blog isn't great for my bladder either! I laughed SO much!

As for pregnant men, you need to cut them some slack. For all you know, they may have been "carrying" for about 1.5 years and that can make anyone sour :P

Bubble Catcher said...

delurking first time here.Congrats!!
you are hilarious!
I decided to take a big sip of water as I read your post and I almost choked and sprouted all the water out trying to control my giggles( and I am reading this in office where we are supposed to be in the middle of a project crisis)

Saras said...

I love you GB or whoever u r!

Raj said...

Woman, you are really in a flow :D

Enjoy the moments !

Arundhati said...

ROTFLing at Mrs. Dravid and pregnant men :)

Vini said...

Didn't get a chance to post my congratulations to both of you earlier. So please do accept now :D
I wish you good health, happy times and an easy-peesy delivery!

writerzblock said...

ROFL!!! That was classic!!!! Esp the 'telegram face' and 'concentrating on eating seedai' :-) Still ROFL-ing :-)

rt r said...

If you are a South Indian, I guess you can call yourself a Gravid Dravid(ian) as well :-)

This was a pun I had made a long time back, and seeing a similar joke on the net brings a smile :-)

Best wishes for the new arrival :-)

Srinivas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Srinivas said...

GB:

I am reading this short story collection by Helen Dunmore titled Love of Fat Men (which, as is usually the case, also happens to be the title/first story).

But there's a beautiful story called Annina in it (the fifth or sixth in the collection). Remembered you when I was reading it. The story is just ten pages or so, and I felt the twenty-odd minutes I spent on it was very much worth the while.

Krithika said...

I bow in respect!!
Super post!

GB said...

@Pavithra- Yes, yes. Nowadays, everything is staying down only!

@R's Mom- Yeah, no? Why do they look so dead and serious, I don't know!

@Srini- Hehe. I also agree.

@IHM- Thanks :D You fill me with hope.

@Starry- Wouldn't that be something? Laughing in labour...I wish.

@The Mad Momma, Ramya, CMCK- :D

@SarangN- I'll make it read this comment whenever it does the rebel act.

@CW- Yes, yes. If I stopped laughing, I might just be horrified by what I'm in for.

@Sathya- Thank you :)

@Abirami and Arundathi- I don't usually find fat people funny, but in this context, it was :D

@Bubble- Hehe. Use anonymouse.com to read blogs and don't get caught, ok?

@Saras- Thanks for that declaration!!

@Raj- Thank you!

@Vini- Eesy-peesy, haan? I wish humans could lay eggs and wait for them to hatch.

@Writerz- I miss the telegram face in Tamil movies :(

@Rtr- You should start patenting :)

@Srini- Is Annina slightly off her head too? :D Shall try and get a copy!

@Krithika- Arrey, thanks!

@Everyone- Sorry about the late reply, but I'm still being latest.

Ugich Konitari said...

My best friend is a gynaecologist. Not the glum variety. She is going to read this post for sure. I'm sure she will crack up at Mrs Dravid.

Once I stop laughing, I'm going to put you in my blogroll. Hope it is OK ?

Sanjana said...

lol!

I know what you mean! People are a lot more subdued in hospitals than usual!

Whenever I go, I just end up playing with my BB.

Sanjana said...

oh! and congratulations! :D

Agnija said...

Oh my God! I can't stop laughing. You are an original, Gounder Brownie! You are now on my official five servings a day of laughter!

Anonymous said...

LOL!! Mrs dravid who was gravid! hehe!!
and yea, congratulations!! :)


ooh and I have had friends who have announced that they are pregnant with equal seriousness... no smiles... I keep wondering about that too... :D

Pixie said...

ok.. the comment above is mine.. it got posted by mistake without my name/URL!

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