Thursday, August 18, 2011

For M


One of the first things I told M when we started talking about babies was that I was going to be horrendous and he'd have to put up with it because though billions of women have given birth earlier, I haven't given birth a billion times. So as far as I was concerned, I was like that very first amoeba in Tree of Life.

I was also going to be paranoid about everything and I wasn't going to be consoled by the fact that several ladies have delivered in the fields and gone back to work the very next nanosecond. Just so M doesn't think I'm some stoic soldier types from a Tennyson poem who marches into the jaws of hell feeling sunny as a sunflower. I was going to be difficult. Don't you agree it's a joy to be married to me? At least, I come with statutory warnings.

Of course, underlying all of this was this great feeling of martyrdom that had descended upon me. Here I was, going to give up a solid nine months of my life (and more). Here I was, going to turn my gorgeous self into a hippopotamus. Here I was, doing all the hard work for a joy that would be shared between the two of us. Here I was, wondering what my career graph was going to be like in the next two years. Surely, I deserved a statue on the Marina Beach.

But here I am, 2/3rds of the race run (okay, waddled) and I think M deserves a statue on the Marina Beach. Too. (I still deserve the first because I'm still a martyr.)

Here's why:

1. For taking over the cooking completely during my nausea days and cooking with the door closed (despite the summer heat) to keep the smells away from my belligerent nose.

2. For taking over the cleaning (including the times when I couldn't make it in time to the sink) completely during my nausea days. All I had to do was smell lemons and lie on the sofa.

3. For staying up and listening to my insane conversations patiently despite being exhausted by all of the above.

4. For coming back home early from work to keep me company in spite of the hundred projects you were working on.

5. For the surprise drives in the middle of the day to Spicer bakery. Yay.

6. For smuggling food in your pockets into 'No Outside Food' theatres so I could keep eating throughout the movie.

7. For not acting like I was some gossamer thread just because I was pregnant and trusting me to eat and do whatever I felt like.

8. For giving up three fourths of the bed to me and my multiple pillows without fussing.

9. For coming with me to the doctor's every time and dealing with my paranoia by making me laugh.

10. For all the low-calorie desserts you've whipped up every time I faked a pregnant woman food craving.

And above all, for not doing any of the above as a great favour to me but doing them because you are a decent human being. I hope to do the same if you at all get pregnant someday *har har*.

So, M, thank you very much. I think you should make me that banoffee pie you've been promising as a reward for being so artlessly disarming.


The Bride said...

I should copy-paste this on my blog for V. Pregnancy strengthened my conviction that men must cook. I do not know what women who have husbands who do not cook do.

R's Mom said...

oh arent you sweet :) and M sweeter...

you have loads of nausea is it :( I was lucky I had practically NO nausea :)

and I loved that M smuggled in food for you into the theatre..cute na

Ugich Konitari said...

I am very kanjoos about handing out these awards. Only one other bloggerhusband in Indore has earned it so far, typically , when his wife was expecting. But M clearly more than qualifies. And so he is hereby awarded the BLOGGER BHUSHAN award. For being such a wonderful bhushan in your life ! Congratulations.

karthick r said...

the other half looks def'ly like a better half :)
For smuggling food in your pockets into 'No Outside Food' theatres so I could keep eating throughout the movie.
Let me tell you, this no mean feet to pull esp, with theater guards imagining themselves to be bomb squads.
Loved reading.

Kookaburra said...

wow lovely post!

Nilu said...

Wow...what an awesome post...absolutely love your sense of humor!!!

shilpasharmaonline said...

Sure you both deserve statues of yours but beware of Mayawati, she doesn't like anyone else except herself getting their statues erected. :)

:) You've got a very good man. Man, he smuggled food for you. :D

Srinivas said...

Words shall spoil the loveliness of the tribute. A big smile - and a big bow to M :)

CMCK said...

Lucky girl! God bless you both!

Prathima said...

Lovely post. funny and honest:)

rrmom said...

how cute. awesome post and a big bow to M.

starry eyed said...

I still have multiple pillows on the bed, tho' I was pregnant ten years ago. Consider how much mileage you can continue gaining even after the kids leaves for college :P

M definitely deserves that statue...and so do you, but not the hippo-shaped one, okay? :)

Vidya said...

Awesome post....had a good laugh....

I guess my A deserves an award too except for the cooking and smuggling part!!!!! He cannot even boil parents and in laws compensated for that....

God bless you and your M....

Ramya said...

"So as far as I was concerned, I was like that very first amoeba in Tree of Life."

Loved this line.

And your husband is a very nice, very considerate person.

Kunal said...

Awesome post. U sure are lucky to have such a considerate life partner.

I found this to be the cutest :

"For smuggling food in your pockets into 'No Outside Food' theatres so I could keep eating throughout the movie"

The Visitor said...

I wanted to roll my eyes at the beginning of the post, but ended up going - 'Awwww'.

@M - this girl is a sweet manipulator- take care.

Sathya said...

superb...loved every line of it..worth d wait...really a blessed pair..made for each other i guess...

GB said...

@The Bride- Yup. Like Urvashi Bhutalia famously said, you don't need a womb to cook.

@R's Mom- Yeah, between Week 6 and 14, I had nausea throughout the day. But I didn't really throw up much because I didn't have to cook and could rest as much as I wanted to.

@Ugich- My parents are calling M Bhushan now. Haha.

@Karthick- The trick is to wrap the potlam with an extra-large hand kerchief (clean) and look busy.

@Kookaburra and Nilu- Thanks :)

@Shilpa- I re-read the post and most of it seems to be about food though I've put down 10 impressive points :D

@Srini- :D

@CMCK, Prathima, rrmom- Thank you!!

@Starry- Yes, yes. Only a very flattering statue of myself I'll put up. For posterity.

@Vidya- We don't stay with either set of parents and in any case, I learnt all my cooking from M wonly :D

@Ramya and Kunal- Thank you! He's been sincerely reading the comments on this post alone every ten minutes, so your compliments are well received :D

@The Visitor- Whose side are you on, men?? Pfftt.

@Sathya- Thank you :D

Anonymous said...

Super!..I wonder why you compress into a blog post when you can make a novel out of it!


Cocktail Party said...

Though not pregnant, I can really understand what you are going through as I have a friend cum neighbour who keeps puking when she sees her husband or hears his voice..Poor chap he is so tired of the cleaning part...I must say It is indeed a blessing to get such other half who pamper you and put up with all the fuss and drama we put them through this phase.

Anonymous said...

A lovely post! Celebration of good news, good attitude and honest appreciation.
A keen awareness of interdependence reinforces the fact that love is a verb.Habit is practice long pursued that at last becomes man himself.
Seeking to discover the best in each other like friends marks a life more deeply than love.
I second the Blogger Bhushan award wholeheartedly, for it takes courage for a person to listen to his own goodness and act on it.

chandrima said...

Poor M, now he has to keep doing all the good deeds as his goodness all are out here, point wise, listed one by one! You are a very planned kind of a clever wife! Keep it going!

dipali said...

Both of you are just two cute:)
Two statues on Marina Beach coming right up, guys.

GB said...

@Anonfan- Maybe I'll write that book someday when my career graph dips below zero :D

@Cocktail- I wouldn't call what a pregnant woman goes through as 'fuss and drama'- it certainly is a very hard time physically and emotionally and I think we deserve all the attention we get. I'm not taking anything away from M, but I would expect nothing less from an equal partner in a marriage. The thing is, women don't have the choice of opting out of the nausea blah blah during pregnancy but men do have the choice of being insensitive to their wife's situation- something a lot of men exploit. As women, we're expected to expect almost nothing and even a little compassion or empathy is enough to turn us into very grateful beings. The reason I thanked M is that he did what he had to do without expecting me to go all pati-devotional on him.

@Anon- Amma, you should just comment as Amma or as Rabindranath Tagore :D

@Chandrima- :P

@Dipali- Thank you :)

Indian Home Maker said...

"And above all, for not doing any of the above as a great favour to me but doing them because you are a decent human being. I hope to do the same if you at all get pregnant someday *har har*. "

Congrats to the Blogger Bhushan Award winner :)

Anjana R said...

we want an update!
hopefully youre updates will be more frequent once youre a mommy blogger! hearty congrats for a wonderful new phase of life!

Anjana R said...


DegeSMS said...

very beautiful lines.