So we went and did the 12 weeks scan and saw the baby kicking and waving and twisting about like some sort of Kalari person. The sonography guy is one of the glummest people I've seen in my life. He usually slouches in like the Principal gave him grief for dirty canvas shoes. And then he watches the screen with a telegram face. You know, the face you get when you've just read your granny died back in your village. Granny Stop Died Stop Come Stop Immediately Stop. But in any case, he did show us the baby's marvellous profile and its wide variety of acrobatics.
I've never been good at waiting. So I usually get hyper when I'm waiting at the clinic. I tend to chew M's ear off with a constant commentary on all the human beings waiting along with us. Nobody else says a word though. I mean, people usually look like they are farmers in the middle of a 10-year drought. I'd understand if this were the cancer ward or something like that. But hey, this is like the Headquarters of Good News, so why not smile a little, eh? All the husbands would be guiltily fiddling with their phones and all the wives would be concentrating on how much longer they can endure the pressure of their bladder. If some matajis have come with their daughters, they'd be staring at the ceiling as if shot dead by Navy Seals. There was one man who decidedly looked more pregnant than his wife. I mentioned this to M and the two of us promptly went into a giggling fit. Which wasn't very good for my bladder.
The way they say you are pregnant in medical reports is like this: Uterus is bulky, gravid. So sweet of them to keep stressing that you're bulky. For some strange reason, I found this to be extremely funny. I kept thinking about Mrs Dravid being told she was gravid. And I kept giggling more and more.
After we did the ultrasound, we went to the doctor's clinic. Again, there were so many pregnant women there that I became hyper. What if we all went into labour on the same day, same time? How would the doctor manage? While I was chewing M's ear off about this, he spotted another pregnant man and started giggling. Which set me off too. Everyone else continued to look like Apocalypse was upon them. I mean, if you are so sad that you are pregnant, why did you become pregnant, dude? Cheer the hell up. And other such advice I kept giving off inside my head.
We went for The Fast and the Furious 5 yesterday. I didn't register much because I was concentrating on eating seedai without making too much noise. But I did notice that it had a pregnant woman who was nauseous exactly once in the film and then later went on to jump through roofs and all without a care in the world.
I haven't been writing much here because I'm keeping a diary, you know. I'm writing to the offspring daily. With my own unique illustrations and all. Nothing profound, just whatever I've been doing and my terrific observations of life and living. Including the sonographer's bald head. I just hope that the offspring reads it and appreciates it before it becomes an arrogant preteen git who thinks I was so uncool to have done something so soppy.
Happy Mothers-to-be Day to me. I'm gravid and I deserve it.